That's The Spirit

The Olympics bore me to tears. The only event I can even come close to caring about is the hundred metre dash, but they don't show the thing until the second last night of the Olympics (proving that millions of other people only care about the hundred metre dash, too). So I have a choice: I can sit through two weeks of boring sports people you only see every 4 years, or I can skip the whole thing altogether.

My disinterest in the Olympics isn't about cynicism, though I have plenty of that. Do I believe that the Olympic Games are a fraud, with doped up athletes and a front office run by crooks? Absolutely. Do I believe that the Olympic "spirit" is a laugh when the Games can be sent to China, a country whose citizens are not allowed to get on a plane and go anywhere they choose? Sure.

But really, the reason I don't like the Olympics is that it's boring. It's right up there with the vegetarian chick at the end of the table, the one that won't shut up about how right she is. There may be some people that enjoy watching an athlete's "my dog died" stories before being treated to a 3-hour session of pole vault. I'm just not one of them.

Someone on the Olympics committee must have recognized this, because they gave us women's beach volleyball. Finally, an event for the regular guy. I enjoy watching talented people work hard to realize their dreams of glory. I especially like that they can only realize their dreams in the skimpiest bikinis they can get their hands on.

I was flipping through the papers this morning and saw that the US Olympic cycling team showed up in Beijing wearing masks to protect themselves from air pollution. The media was appalled by their lack of sensitivity.

I laughed. First at the cyclists. Those masks aren't going to do squat. Then I laughed at the media, who haven't a clue. When I was in China, I saw all kinds of local people wearing masks...they're just not allowed to wear them during the Games.

Beautiful China
The pollution in China is unbelievable. I once took a bus ride from Tianjian to the Great Wall, four hours away. There was a stiff wind blowing the whole time, but the smog didn't budge an inch. I mean an inch. It just sat there like a big, fat blanket. The visibility was maybe two hundred yards in any direction, and it wasn't until we made the steep climb to the wall that it began to let up. Even at the Great Wall the pollution was so bad that I had to run all of my photos and videos through a color correction filter to get rid of it.

You've probably seen beautiful nighttime photos of Hong Kong and Shanghai. The reason they're beautiful is because of the pollution. The heavy smog makes the streetlights and neon sign glow like the gates of Heaven. During the day it's a different story. That's when the cities look like they're sitting in a nuclear winter, lifeless, ugly, and grey.

But they're a "developing country," bless them. No Kyoto for them.

The Olympics has always been a joke, and this year's installment merely ups the ante. Rich kids and spoiled brats will be running around in circles, jumping over sand pits, rolling around on floors, diving into pools, sailing expensive yachts, and bouncing up and down on trampolines. Meanwhile, down the road, there will be hundreds of political prisoners, waiting for the brats to get lost so the prisoners can return to their families. If the government lets them.

I don't want to ruin your fun Olympic experience. Watch it all you want. Just remember that the sooner these Games are over, the sooner some poor guy can stop eating gruel and maybe, just maybe, find some happiness at home.

Photos: Delaware Online & Sean Berry