Because Hollywood Is Full of Fresh Ideas

When's the last time you saw a great, new, fresh horror flick?

All right, stop thinking so hard or you'll pass out.

Anyway, this trailer sums up the absolute vacuum that is the horror genre in Hollywood. The trailer below shows just how shameless producers are these days: four kids...in a car...go to a cabin in the woods...they're laughing and happy...the place is deserted...and they're going to die.

You'll never guess who the bad guy is. Never.

I told someone they were releasing this movie, and their first question was a matter-of-fact, "Why?"

Chee-Chee-Chee...Hah-Hah-Hah

So here it is, the day that they named almost a dozen bad movies after. Friday the 13th.

I've never been much of a superstitious guy. After spilling salt on the table, I always forget to throw it over my shoulder. I'm not nimble enough to dodge an energetic black cat. Breaking a mirror doesn't bother me either, though I do wonder about those old time Western stuntmen. In the saloons, they used to hurl whiskey bottles at the good guy's head with reckless abandon. When they'd miss, SMASH. 7 more years of bad luck for the hapless stuntman.

Sometimes I do knock on wood. When I can find any, that is: if someone tells me to knock on wood, there never seems to be any wood nearby. I look around at plastic chairs, glass tables, and plaster walls, then shrug. Being told to knock on wood is especially tough if you're in the car. At least I'm not like the dopes that think it's funny to look for wood to knock on, come up empty, and then knock on the sides of their heads.

Ladders don't bother me much. It's just a ladder. If some moron puts it in the middle of the hallway, there's nothing to do except walk under it. Opening an umbrella indoors doesn't freak me out either. If it did, I'd lose money, since lighting things sometimes calls for the use of an umbrella over a flash or lamphead.

I do have a weird hockey superstition. I don't wear the Red Wings sweater during a game, because I think they'll lose. I can wear it while making dinner, watching Judge Judy, or changing the oil on the car. But during a hockey game? Never.

In any case, it looks like there's nothing to worry about. According to Reuters, "Dutch statisticians have established that Friday 13th, a date regarded in many countries as inauspicious, is actually safer than an average Friday."

Damn. Just tempted the fates with that last paragraph. Better knock on wood.

If I can find any.

Photo: All Posters