Saturday, April 14, 2007

CN Tower - Middle Finger to the Nation


There's a documentary coming out at the Hot Docs film festival called, "Let's All Hate Toronto." Reuters (Apr. 13) did a write-up on it and quoted co-director Albert Nerenberg as saying, "There is something different (about hating Toronto). People are more passionate about it."

Jennifer Forhan, who wrote the piece, kicked off her report with, "The dislike of Canada's biggest city, Toronto, in the rest of the country runs so deep that a filmmaker has made a documentary about it."

To which I say, well, Toronto must be doing something right. Just ask the United States. When you're the big boy on the block, everybody wants to take a shot at you.

People hate what they envy. And, if you have toured Canada coast to coast, you've seen plenty of reasons why people might envy Toronto.

Size, for one. As an honest woman will tell you, size really does matter. Not only does Toronto have the largest population in Canada, it also has the CN Tower, North America's homage to masculinity. The CN Tower gives the rest of the nation's capitals skyline-envy. Show someone a postcard of Toronto, and they will know exactly what city they're looking at. Show them a picture of Halifax, and they could be forgiven for thinking it is a fishing village in Oregon.

People in Vancouver hate Toronto? What a shocker. They'd love to be known as Canada's city, if only they could muster up a better style than a Roots sweatshirt and a monogrammed umbrella. If you've been there lately, you'll see that Vancouver has gone downhill faster than a snowboard flunky on dope. Their nightclubs are overpriced and under-hip. The rising number of downtown beggars is astounding. A good day is the one in forty that it doesn't rain. You lost a basketball team but got the Olympics, Vancouver. Sit down.

Montreal has a beef with Toronto? That isn't news. Don Cherry said it all last week. When asked during the intermission if Toronto was going to beat Montreal, he said, "Toronto's going to win, don't worry about it."

Think about that statement. This was on Hockey Night in Canada. He could have said Montreal, but it seemed natural not to. I laughed out loud, thinking of all that Montreal blood boiling over. Not exactly the ‘Yankees of hockey’ anymore, are you, boys?

Saskatoon, Ottawa, Winnipeg, St. John's (or is it John?), Calgary, I guess they all have something going for them. With the exception of Regina -- whose name alone makes schoolchildren giggle -- they may even have their pride.

Yet Toronto beats them all. Not because of a strong economy, a better nightlife, or prettier girls (though it has these, too). No, the reason Toronto is hated is no different than the reason that people hated someone in high school: Toronto's cool.

It's so cool, guess where the filmmakers have to crawl in order to screen their insult?

Toronto's Hot Docs film festival starts next week.

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