Netspeak

When did it become acceptable for educated adults to write like eight-year-olds?

It took me a long time to get hip to the Netspeak that is floating around, and it looks like it is here to stay. I have yet to use it myself, but it doesn’t stop any of my friends from coughing up a potpourri of colons, brackets, and letters every time I open an email.

I remember the first time I saw ‘lol’ in response to a funny story. I stared at those three letters and had no idea what they meant. I thought they might symbolize a touchdown, the letter L being an arm, an O the ref's head. When I asked my friend for clarification, he wrote back, “Laughing out loud.”

Ah. This is as opposed to writing, “IDTTWVF,” which would be, “I didn’t think that was very funny.”

LOL eventually morphed into LMAO, which is laughing my ass off, which morphed into LMFAO, which is laughing my ass off but not in front of mom. Now whenever I tell a friend a story and I get LOL, I wonder why they didn’t LTAO. Wasn’t it funny enough? Could I have told it better?

Netspeak threatens to ruin the entire English language. Sarcasm is dead. When a friend says, “You moron,” I’m fairly certain they don’t really think I’m a moron. But, just in case, they throw in :) to make me feel better.

The smiley face is as interesting as it is irritating. Apparently you can say whatever you want if you follow it up with colon-bracket. When you tell a friend that you’re sleeping with his wife, he will be upset. If you tell him that you are sleeping with his wife :), he’s expected to take it in stride because you’re such a kidder.

I have a friend that is the master of Netspeak. She loves it. When something special happens in her life, she types :P. This means she is sticking out her tongue. When she types ;), she’s winking. When she types :O, she’s surprised.

What people like her don’t understand is that I already know all this stuff because it’s implied in the language. When I write to say that I fell down a flight of stairs, they don’t need to type colon-capital-oh to say they are shocked. When they tell me they won free tickets to the playoffs, they don’t have to stick out their tongue. I know they’re a braggart and a blowhard. No emphasis needed.

It amuses me to hear people place such importance on education during election time. When their parents are writing emails to each other at a grade 5 level, why should the kids care about learning Shakespeare?

Speaking of Shakespeare, one shudders to think of his works had he been a blogger:

Or, if thou wilt needs marry :), marry a fool :(
for wise men know well enough ;) what monsters :O you make of them,
To a nunnery, go, and quickly too :P
Farewell. LOL.

I look forward to hearing from my friends every day. I love reading their emails, even if they do require an Enigma machine. But once in a while, I just wish they’d GTH. While they figure that out, I’ll sit back in my BVDs on the QT and LMAO.

:)