Have you called a friend and left a message lately? I haven't. I fell asleep halfway through the exercise, banged my head, and forgot what I wanted to say.
The answering machine was invented in 1904, but didn't reach wide-scale use until the '50s. They were mostly used for office work, and it wasn't until the 80's that they became a convenient way to avoid colleagues and dodge ex-girlfriends.
Not so long ago, they seemed like a great idea. After the fourth ring, a tape would roll. A friend's voice would say, "We're not available to take your call. Please leave a message after the beep." Had they foolishly said "We're not home right now," you would have run over and robbed their house. But since they were mysteriously 'unavailable,' you said you'd meet them at the restaurant for six o'clock. Simple.
People no longer have answering machines, they have an answering service. And whenever you add 'service' to anything, you know you're going to get the exact opposite of it. These days, leaving a message for people takes forever.
My friend's phone is a great example. Calling her is like trying to get through to the President of Argentina. She's one of those people that thinks you actually care what her opening message says. I quote:
"Hi everybody, this is me! [no kidding] I am currently unavailable [obviously] because I am on a cruise around South America [swell]. So please leave your name and a message [darn, I was all set to sing Oklahoma]. I will be periodically checking my messages [That's good. I usually leave mine until Christmas]. However, if you want to get in touch with me right away [now you tell me], my email..."
That thud you hear is me, slipping into a coma and falling off the chair.
Her greeting amuses me for two reasons. One, her cruise around South America ended last month. If you're going to tell your life story over the phone, at least make it a recent chapter. Two, how many strangers are calling that need to hear this stuff? Zero. Like you, she has the same half-dozen people dialing her number day in and day out. They know what hemisphere she is in, and they know her email address. They use it because they don't want to go through the hassle of phoning her.
A buddy of mine also has a long-winded speech. Like most guys, he adopts a tone usually reserved for morticians and airline pilots. Then he makes room for the Phone Lady. I hate that woman. When my friend finishes talking, she takes the floor: "After the tone, leave a message. When you are done leaving a message, you may press pound for more options. Press 1 to replay your message, press 2..."
That sound you hear is my phone, being thrown through the window.
The worst greeting I ever heard comes from a friend's mother. She changed it every day. I'm fairly certain that my friend moved out of the house not because she didn't want to live there anymore, but because people kept making fun of her mom: "Hey, it's me. Tell your mom I'm not enjoying this gift of a sunny, glorious day anymore, because it just started to piss rain."
Right now I need to make a phone call. I will try my best to get through the rings, the greetings, and the button pushing. Just please, wake me when it's over.
1 comment:
I agree with certain elements of your review in regards to the lack of story line and the cliches that run throughout.
And I am 100% behind the fact that in the Transformers cartoons the humans were nothing but an after thought and are there solely to bind certain elements of the story together.
However, one has to think of the pure economics of movie making. To have a movie that is Transformer-centric is not econmically viable. Michael Bay was reported to have said that he knew he only had enough money to do 15 scenes and did everything he could with that.
I think most would agree that those scenes are phenomenal and some of the best CG ever done. Hopefully, with the success of this first installment any sequels will have a large enough budget to remove much of the BS human story line and focus on the Transformers.
- Ottirub
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