Man, that's gotta suck.
That line is reserved for a friend of mine. We were on the phone yesterday and she said that Argentina was going to beat Brazil in some kind of soccer tournament, because Brazil was missing their best players.
News to me. I didn't know that the Copa America (America's Cup) final was even being played. Turns out that Brazil beat Argentina 3-0, even though they were missing Ronaldinho, Lucio, Kaka, Ronaldo, Ze Roberto and Adriano. I just copied and pasted those names from a website because, like you, I don't know who plays for the Brazilian team and nor do I care. I do find it cool, however, that a man can strut around a field while wearing Kaka (pronounced the way children say the word 'shit' without swearing) on his back.
The soccer tournament involved all of the qualifying countries in the Americas, including the United States. Canada didn't make it because Canada is so involved in soccer that they suck at it, ranking out of the top 50 countries in the world. When Bosnia-Herzegovina (28), Morocco (35), and Guinea (50) are better than you at a sport, you know it's time to stop asking when that sport will become popular in your country.
I flicked on CNN this morning and they were talking about David Beckham's arrival in Los Angeles. He used to play for Manchester United and Real Madrid. He's now come over to play with the LA Galaxy. Headlines on Yahoo are asking if he can save US soccer. The rest of us are asking if he can get out of the way so we can get another look at his hot wife.
Every couple of years, this soccer issue rises to the surface, bubbles for a few moments, and then goes back down the drain where it belongs. It is phony-hype, as the Beckham arrival indicates.
I don't know too much about soccer, but it's doubtful that David Beckham is here in order to save US soccer. It's more believable that the guy just needs a job. He was cut as captain from the England team, and Madrid obviously didn't want his services. If he was still the premier player he once was, he wouldn't be coming to the United States to play as Mr. Nobody. He'd be in Europe signing autographs every time he steps out of his house. Him coming here to save US soccer is like saying Matt Lainert should skip the NFL and go play in Germany to save Deutsch Football.
And how, exactly, is David Beckham going to save US soccer? I didn't know US soccer needed to be saved. I thought it was one of those fringe sports. Illegal immigrants and 10th generation English people might want to watch 11 of their favorite players jog around a field for 90 minutes, but the majority of Americans couldn't care less. And again, it doesn't matter if a lot of kids play it when they're younger. That does not mean that they are going to play it when they are older, or even watch it on television. As I said last year:
"To the Euro-weenies, let's put something on the record: the kids who play soccer are there because their parents won't let them play a violent sport. Football and hockey are out, and fastballs scare the hell out of mothers, so baseball's out, too. Unless you're over six feet tall by the time you hit grade 11, basketball is also a no-go. That leaves soccer. Your passionate game of kick-the-ball-around is there to raise the self-esteem of children that wouldn't have amounted to a damn on the grid iron, and to keep hockey players in shape during the off-season.
People are not going to watch soccer in North America. It's made up of all the people that got cut from the other sports. Sure, there might be a few kids that played soccer as their first choice, but who the hell wants to watch a guy like that play anything? And just because we did something as kids doesn't mean we're going to keep doing it as adults. Using the old 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine' might have worked while hiding in the cushion fort, but it doesn't go over so well on the nightclub circuit.
This argument is so old that it's no longer an argument. It's more like an article of faith, like the second coming of Christ. When I was a kid, people were saying that more kids playing soccer meant that it would be huge a few years down the road. When I was in high school, they said the same thing. When I was in my 20's, ditto. I'm now over 30. I still don't watch soccer, and neither do my friends. When I am old and decrepit, some damn nurse is going to give me my orange juice and say, "My son plays soccer. So many kids are playing it, it will be huge in a few years." And I will die screaming.
Honestly: when is the last time you said to anyone, I need to get home by 7 o'clock because the soccer game is on? As for me, I use the webpages to see just how popular soccer is. On Yahoo Sports, the soccer tab is tenth in line, right behind tennis and right before boxing. On ESPN.com, soccer comes in the 14 hole, before tennis, but behind such items as women's basketball and NHL hockey, which won't be played for another two months. The Sporting News website doesn't even have soccer on their menu bar. Must have been a misprint.
Here's a nice look at the joys of a game where ties are victories, scoring is non-existent, and it's considered good play to roll around like a wimp when someone comes within five feet of you. Beckham's in this clip, too. He's twelve steps from the goal and misses it by 50 feet. Gotta love the "beautiful game."
That line is reserved for a friend of mine. We were on the phone yesterday and she said that Argentina was going to beat Brazil in some kind of soccer tournament, because Brazil was missing their best players.
News to me. I didn't know that the Copa America (America's Cup) final was even being played. Turns out that Brazil beat Argentina 3-0, even though they were missing Ronaldinho, Lucio, Kaka, Ronaldo, Ze Roberto and Adriano. I just copied and pasted those names from a website because, like you, I don't know who plays for the Brazilian team and nor do I care. I do find it cool, however, that a man can strut around a field while wearing Kaka (pronounced the way children say the word 'shit' without swearing) on his back.
The soccer tournament involved all of the qualifying countries in the Americas, including the United States. Canada didn't make it because Canada is so involved in soccer that they suck at it, ranking out of the top 50 countries in the world. When Bosnia-Herzegovina (28), Morocco (35), and Guinea (50) are better than you at a sport, you know it's time to stop asking when that sport will become popular in your country.
I flicked on CNN this morning and they were talking about David Beckham's arrival in Los Angeles. He used to play for Manchester United and Real Madrid. He's now come over to play with the LA Galaxy. Headlines on Yahoo are asking if he can save US soccer. The rest of us are asking if he can get out of the way so we can get another look at his hot wife.
Every couple of years, this soccer issue rises to the surface, bubbles for a few moments, and then goes back down the drain where it belongs. It is phony-hype, as the Beckham arrival indicates.
I don't know too much about soccer, but it's doubtful that David Beckham is here in order to save US soccer. It's more believable that the guy just needs a job. He was cut as captain from the England team, and Madrid obviously didn't want his services. If he was still the premier player he once was, he wouldn't be coming to the United States to play as Mr. Nobody. He'd be in Europe signing autographs every time he steps out of his house. Him coming here to save US soccer is like saying Matt Lainert should skip the NFL and go play in Germany to save Deutsch Football.
And how, exactly, is David Beckham going to save US soccer? I didn't know US soccer needed to be saved. I thought it was one of those fringe sports. Illegal immigrants and 10th generation English people might want to watch 11 of their favorite players jog around a field for 90 minutes, but the majority of Americans couldn't care less. And again, it doesn't matter if a lot of kids play it when they're younger. That does not mean that they are going to play it when they are older, or even watch it on television. As I said last year:
"To the Euro-weenies, let's put something on the record: the kids who play soccer are there because their parents won't let them play a violent sport. Football and hockey are out, and fastballs scare the hell out of mothers, so baseball's out, too. Unless you're over six feet tall by the time you hit grade 11, basketball is also a no-go. That leaves soccer. Your passionate game of kick-the-ball-around is there to raise the self-esteem of children that wouldn't have amounted to a damn on the grid iron, and to keep hockey players in shape during the off-season.
People are not going to watch soccer in North America. It's made up of all the people that got cut from the other sports. Sure, there might be a few kids that played soccer as their first choice, but who the hell wants to watch a guy like that play anything? And just because we did something as kids doesn't mean we're going to keep doing it as adults. Using the old 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine' might have worked while hiding in the cushion fort, but it doesn't go over so well on the nightclub circuit.
This argument is so old that it's no longer an argument. It's more like an article of faith, like the second coming of Christ. When I was a kid, people were saying that more kids playing soccer meant that it would be huge a few years down the road. When I was in high school, they said the same thing. When I was in my 20's, ditto. I'm now over 30. I still don't watch soccer, and neither do my friends. When I am old and decrepit, some damn nurse is going to give me my orange juice and say, "My son plays soccer. So many kids are playing it, it will be huge in a few years." And I will die screaming.
Honestly: when is the last time you said to anyone, I need to get home by 7 o'clock because the soccer game is on? As for me, I use the webpages to see just how popular soccer is. On Yahoo Sports, the soccer tab is tenth in line, right behind tennis and right before boxing. On ESPN.com, soccer comes in the 14 hole, before tennis, but behind such items as women's basketball and NHL hockey, which won't be played for another two months. The Sporting News website doesn't even have soccer on their menu bar. Must have been a misprint.
Here's a nice look at the joys of a game where ties are victories, scoring is non-existent, and it's considered good play to roll around like a wimp when someone comes within five feet of you. Beckham's in this clip, too. He's twelve steps from the goal and misses it by 50 feet. Gotta love the "beautiful game."
2 comments:
I do agree that soccer will never catch on in n. america, but if kids are playing it and having fun, what's the harm? I remember all those same arguments...it'll be big in a few years...same thing they said when Pele came to NY to play. It is however huge outside of n. america, and watching those Premier games and World Cup games is a damn good time. Good article.
I was about to write that Sean's wrong and... but then i realised something a bit sad... i live in the uk at the moment (living in the uk is sad, but not my point, i've been subscribing to sky sports for over two years now so i can chill out on a saturday afternoon and watch premiership football; but i've only watched it twice...ever! See the problem is that premiership games are on saturday afternoon and i'm always doing something else. But thats only part of it, i think to watch sports and care, you really need to be rooting for someone; the home team. If the home team sucks it gets a bit boring. so until canada or the US become 'good enough' the sport wont be popular. If Canada was one of the best in the world - the sport would be massive (of course).
...and to add to Sean's rant Beckham isnt even an 'exciting' player - he scores teh (very) occassional goal from a free-kick and the rest of the time is spent passing...jeez that's like watching Sweden play ice hockey.
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