The Girly Shoe Man

All right, I guess I'll bite.

Some Arabic reporter threw his shoes at the President of the United States. The president proved to be the better man by using good reflexes to dodge the first shoe. The president didn't have to worry about the second shoe because the guy throws like a girl and couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. Ten feet away and he couldn't hit his target with two throws? Leave him off the softball team.

It's now a Really Big Deal. People are marching in the streets of countries that hated America before Bush, and will hate America after Bush (yes, yes, even with The One in charge). Anderson Cooper is wetting his pants. Nobody is talking much about the fact that someone attempted to assault the president of the United States. Instead, it's a riveting story about protest, started by a reporter and now driven by an anti-Bush media.

Around the "Arab world" people are calling the Girly Shoe Man a hero. Libya has awarded the man a medal of of courage (in abstentia; the Girly Shoe Man is still in an Iraqi jail). Libya would know a lot about courage. They're a former terrorist regime, killer of women and children, but after Bush told terrorist countries that he would start bombing them, Libya said to hell with nukes and began playing Girly Libya. Tough guys.

The Herald Tribune says, "Throughout much of the Arab world Monday, the shoe-throwing incident generated front-page headlines and continuing television news coverage. A thinly veiled glee could be discerned in much of the reporting, especially in the places where anti-American sentiment runs deepest."

I guess that means New York and San Francisco.

Well, good for them, but I don't get it. A guy threw a shoe. In the words of Austin Powers, "Who throws a shoe?" Throwing a shoe is lame. Lame. Especially when a man in his 60's can dodge it with no trouble at all and you completely miss with the next one.

The papers are saying that throwing a shoe is the ultimate insult in Arabic countries. The bottom of a man's shoe is very provocative. So is the word "dog," which is what the man called Bush.

Again, lame. Oooooh. He threw a shoe! He said "dog!"

I love this anthropology-through-media stuff, where they explain how insulting it is to be called a dog, or that a shoe signifies that I am not worth the dust beneath someone's feet and blah blah blah. After all of that Blago stuff, I wonder if any Syrian reporters picked up the story and said, "The Governor of Illinois called Obama an...um...ah...M-F'er. I'd tell you the whole word, but it's just so insulting that I'm afraid you'll cry. In America, saying that someone has sex with their mother is very insulting. It is a strange term, but carries a great deal of meaning in that far away land. We're lucky we can even understand the true subtext of the word, since the American culture is quite nuanced."

Dog is insulting? Gee, how hurtful. How insensitive. How lame.

I loved Bush's reaction to the Girly Shoe Man. His secret service man stepped towards him to take him off the podium. Bush waved him away and finished the news conference. He didn't break a sweat and didn't look nervous. Now that the Girly Shoe Man has had time to cool down, that must really infuriate him: first, that he sucks at throwing shoes. Second, that the president didn't give a damn.

If anyone called me a dog, I'd think he was a 17th century pirate or a total butthead. If he threw his shoe at me, I'd giggle. If he threw two and missed both times, I'd laugh.

Which is what Bush did. And good on him, too.