Get The Net. A Sports Guy Thinks He's A Journalist Again.

You know how I like to make fun of sports "journalists" all the time? I rest my case.

I caught this via Hot Air. They call it the worst piece of sports writing in history. They're right.

The sports "journalist" is named Mark Whicker. He tells Jaycee Dugard what she's missed while being imprisoned in the backyard of a maniac for almost two decades. A taste:

It doesn't sound as if Jaycee Dugard got to see a sports page.

Box scores were not available to her from June 10, 1991 until Aug. 31 of this year.

She never saw a highlight. Never got to the ballpark for Beach Towel Night. Probably hasn't high-fived in a while.

Uhhh. Okay. Got a bad feeling about this. He continues:

•Michael Jordan did indeed win the big one, and five others.

•Yeah, this golfer really is named Tiger Woods.

•Stock car drivers now marry international models and are invited to the White House.

•Domed stadiums, like the ones in Houston and Minneapolis, are considered obsolete, or at least unfit for baseball.

He goes on with his sports retrospective for a while and finishes with a flourish:

•And ballplayers, who always invent the slang no matter what ESPN would have you believe, came up with an expression for a home run that you might appreciate.

Congratulations, Jaycee. You left the yard.

As I was reading this piece I was saying aloud, "What the hell is this?" I thought The Onion was putting me on.

Whicker issued this apology after readers flipped out:

For Tuesday's Register, I wrote a column that clearly offended and outraged large portions of our readership.

It was not my intention to do so. But it's obvious that I miscalculated the effect the column on Jaycee Dugard, and the events that she might have missed during her captivity, had on those who read, buy and advertise in our newspaper.

Would someone please remind the sports "journalists" that they aren't journalists?