There is something vaguely ridiculous about flying these days, watching as we throw away more freedoms in the interest of 'safety.'
I went through Pearson in Toronto and caught the redeye to Heathrow. On the whole, the security people have their act together: for the first time in forever, every single security checkpoint was fully staffed, ensuring a quick trip through the gates. They made sure I hadn't used my carry-on to transport hair gel, shampoo, shaving cream, or cologne. I dutifully let them search the bag inside and out for a bottle of water. I appeased them by putting my jacket in the tray, sliding it through the X-ray, and watching their satisfied nods when they didn't find a tube of toothpaste.
Then I went to the men's room and lit a cigarette with one of the two lighters hidden in my computer bag. But whatever, I was satisfied that I wouldn't be hair gelled to death on the next flight.
After a quick smoke in the john (smokers just go to the handicapped bathroom and lock the door; it is the new private smoking lounge, because they've closed the real ones) I went to my gate and walked through the duty free. Well, I walked by the duty free, because there's no point in walking through it anymore. The duty free at the airport is now a chocolate store and that's it. Yellow caution tape cuts you off from the perfume, the make-up (a terrorist might hide as a cross dresser, I suppose) the booze, and the sodas.
I had a quick chat with the lady behind the counter. She said business was lousy. She said she was losing a ton of money. She said she was going to quit and do something else.
In the interest of 'safety' we have destroyed this woman's ability to make a decent living. The freedom to carry liquid on a plane has been taken from us, along with this woman's job. Why? Because we don't want to face up to a critical reality: Muslims are doing this to us. Radical Islamists. People of Middle Eastern and Pakistani descent. People of a certain description are trying to carry things on an airplane to blow us up. But in the interest of being completely PC (and completely idiotic) we treat everyone the same and screw the lady that runs the duty free. Saying and doing otherwise is unthinkable, such is the fear of being labelled a bigot or a racist.
Grandma wants to buy a fifth of gin before heading home? Forget it. Buddy wants to buy his girlfriend a nice bottle of her favorite perfume? Not a chance. Honey Bunch wants to purchase some lip gloss? No way.
Lip gloss, you ask? That's right: in case you didn't know, lip gloss now counts as a 'gel.' Anything that can even remotely come close to being considered a liquid now goes in the trash. I was astonished to see that the chocolate covered cherries with brandy filling are still for sale, but give them time, they'll ban them soon.
When my plane landed in Heathrow, an announcement came on the speakers. We were told that while we'd been in the air, a new rule had been handed down, a new freedom stripped away. We were now allowed one piece of carry-on luggage. The ladies were informed that a purse counted as a piece of carry on. All well and good. But wait, let's say you're just stopping in Heathrow to make a connection. Now you've got yourself a decision halfway through the trip: the purse, or the laptop. Which one do you check in at the next gate?
Begging the question, why should you have to make that decision in the first place? It seems we are all terrorists now. No one is going to stand up for anymore of our rights in West. The blue haired grandma, the five year old in diapers, the chic business chick from Paris, the lady running the duty free, the Pakistani man with no baggage, shaved arms and chest, and a bottle of Gatorade. They're all equal? Since when?
Since when was 'ethnic profiling' a bad thing? When the cops ask you what the guy looked like who stole your car, I can guarantee you're not going to say, "I can't tell you because the gentleman might be offended." And when the cops go looking for the 'black man' or the 'white man' or the 'Persian man' and find him and your car, you're not going to give a damn how offended the criminal is. Such physical descriptions of people used to be called 'leads.' Now they're regarded as hate speech.
So the liquids are off the plane. We're safe again. Until the next time the terrorists and the people supposedly trying to catch them decide which freedom to strip next. I know: watches. Timepieces. Don't think so? It's easy. Let's say the authorities bust some terrorists who had a master plan to wipe out a bunch of airplanes, but they had to use synchronized watches to do it. When the news breaks, your watch will be ordered into your checked luggage so fast it'll make you dizzy. You may laugh and think I'm crazy, but 10 days ago you would have thought I was nuts to suggest that your girlfriend couldn't apply lip gloss on an airplane anymore, either.
Our rights are fading fast, just as fast as a guy can take your nail clippers and, as happens, throw them in the garbage without even apologizing to the man at the counter. The terrorists have won round four (or is it five? Or eight? Or ten?) If you don't believe it, just ask the lady at the duty free while she looks for a new job.
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