Short Cuts

I was glancing through Rotten Tomatoes and saw a bunch of movies which I forgot to review. I love writing movie reviews, even for dreadful flicks, but sometimes a movie is so banal and stupid that it isn't worth the time.

A few of these movies are good ones, most of them are bad. Looking back, I can't believe what a horrible crop of movies came out of the studios last year.

My Bloody Valentine (3D): 3D effects aren't bad and the story's okay, but it's nothing you haven't seen before in a slasher flick.

Defiance: Better than people are saying. Daniel Craig is all right, except for a hiccup at the end which makes you wonder if your hero's that heroic.

The Reader: Another movie that looks at the Holocaust. It's up for Best Picture, but only because 2008 didn't have better movies to offer. This one's okay, but not memorable. Kate Winslet is getting a Best Actress nod for this, I'm assuming because she had the guts to play the first half of the movie naked.

Valkyrie: Pretty slow and boring for a Bryan Singer/Tom Cruise flick. It tries to make the plot to kill Hitler seem at lot more intriguing than it really was. The real plotters were pretty disorganized and muffed the thing from the get-go. Unfortunately, the movie can't avoid showing that. In other words, the plotters sucked, and people who suck don't make great heroes.

Doubt: If there's a priest in a movie, then you know that someone will either need an exorcism, or get accused of feeling up an altar boy. This movie's about the latter. Good performances by all of the leads. It won't blow you away, but it's worth watching. Page me when someone makes a story about a priest who doesn't banish a demon, but is still a good guy nonetheless.

Seven Pounds: Not a bad Will Smith touchy-feely vehicle. It got hammered unfairly by the critics for being awful, but I thought it was just regular fare. Your girlfriend will like it if she's home on a Saturday afternoon while you're out fishing.

Bangkok Dangerous: Perhaps the worst film of the decade. I left it halfway through. A good toilet seat would be worth more than this. How does Nicholas Cage end up in these stinkers every other year?

Tropic Thunder: A fun romp as Hollywood pokes fun at itself without being sanctimonious. Robert Downey Jr. is great. As with all comedies, the only test is laughter. I laughed.

Ghost Town: A British dude acts like a jerk, meets a ghost, acts like a jerk, meets a girl, and becomes Mr. Nice Guy. Just okay.

Pineapple Express: Funny in parts, but not a lot of parts.

Incredible Hulk: Who cares?

Hamlet 2: Fairly lame. Once again, filmmakers pat themselves on the back for being brave enough to make fun of Jesus Christ. Uh-huh. But not so brave to stand up for cartoonists that receive death threats for drawing pictures of Mohammed, hmmm?

Traitor: Not bad. Don Cheadle is fine. Ending is a dead giveaway.

Burn After Reading: Funnier than I thought it would be, and it helped me forgive the Coen brothers a little for the backstab of No Country For Old Men.

Step Brothers: Funny, but not hilarious.

Death Race: Good rental if you want to see things blow up and people get run over. The original was better. This is one of those strange movies where good actors like Joan Allen and Ian McShane show up and you go, "Why the hell are Joan Allen and Ian McShane in this movie?" And, because they're good actors, they actually make the thing semi-decent.

Swing Vote: Hollywood again tackles politics and makes running a country seem as simple as getting in touch with yourself and listening to your smartass 12-year-old daughter.

Righteous Kill: Al Pacino. Robert DeNiro. How can you miss? Easy. Put them in a movie called Righteous Kill. They should have left it at Heat.

Max Payne: Utterly awful. Effects are okay.

Eagle Eye: Hollywood still thinks the US government uses computers to control every streetlight, and yes, we're all going to die when the computers take over.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas: A fictional tale about a German boy who befriends a Jewish prisoner through the barbed wire of a concentration camp. Very good, simple movie. I'm stunned that it only took $9 million at the box office. It deserved to be seen, but missed an audience.

Duchess: Quite good. The set design and costumes are great, the acting's okay.

Wanted: Regular action stuff with lots of CGI. Angelina Jolie's in it, so it's worth a look.