The View From Oklahoma

Hanging out in Oklahoma gives you time to do things you normally wouldn't, like leaving The View on while you shave.

It isn't my fault. Last night I was watching the Super Tuesday coverage on ABC. I watched morning man Charlie Gibson continue to practice being an anchorman, and I watched him to continue to fail. Poor Charlie. Interviewing a high school band for Good Morning America has proven to be easier than interviewing politicians and columnists. Last night, Charlie tried the Dan Rather "hotter than a Laredo parking lot" shtick, and it sounded phony and foolish.

Anyway, when I flicked on the tube this morning, The View was in full swing. Four arrogant women were telling the unemployed of America about the hottest news items of the day. No, not the election results, and not the killer tornados in Arkansas. Rather, they were discussing what pisses them off most about the men in their lives.

Ooops
One is unimpressed with her husband clipping his toe nails while she's in the apartment, and another was upset that her husband made too much noise while eating pretzels. Whoopi, for her part, is miffed at men in general for leaving the toilet seat up.

Good grief. With these ladies as role models, the bitchiness factor of women is going to skyrocket over the coming years. The View dames then went on to add that, oddly, their men didn't say much about what bothered them about their wives' irritating habits.

The liberal show's token conservative, Meredith Hasslebeck, found it interesting that her husband "didn't want to pick a fight about the small stuff."

Well, Meredith, that's because it's small stuff. Yes, men do hate it when you leave half a roll of toilet paper drowning in the bowl. And sure, men find it pretty gross to find several discolored cotton balls lying all over the place. We're also vaguely disturbed when we reach for our razor and find it on the edge of the tub. But that's the price you pay for being in a relationship. As any man knows, fighting about the small stuff will only lead to big stuff. "You don't like my cotton balls? Well, I don't like the way you looked at that tramp's ass five Friday nights ago."

So we deal with it. As should you.

And for the last time, what is the deal with the toilet seat? This tired, boring cliche has about run its course. You want the toilet seat down? Then put it down. You're a big girl now.

And when you're done, if you wouldn't mind, put it up.

Not that I want to fight about it.