Drunk on The Earth's Beauty

So it's Earth Day, an occasion for atheists to worship their god.

I looked back through my archives to see if I had anything smartass to say last year, but all I ended up with was a happy birthday message to Bill Shakespeare, and a rant about the Virginia Tech killings. That last one presents quite a problem. What's a wimp to do? If you burn a candle in memory of gun-crime victims, you'll risk setting something on fire and destroying the ecosystem.

For Earth Day, I plan to open a great big bottle of single malt scotch, get drunk with three blonde hookers, drive our way to the nearest gas station, fill up on premium, pass through the McDonald's drive-thru for a couple of quarter pounders, roar on up to where the polar bears prance, and play a game of Naked Seal Clubbing Twister.

I'm sorry if that offends, but that is part of my Earth Day ritual. It's my belief system. Hey, we're all entitled to what we believe. Right?

Judge not. Yes, I am a golden god. No, you are not.

Peace.