Getting Ugly

Megyn Kelly, on FOX: "I don't know if you've been watching the news, but it's been getting ugly, folks."

Really, Megyn? Is the election getting ugly? Say it ain't so. Please, Megyn, don't chew your manicured nails down to the nub.

The "getting ugly" talk from the press has increased tenfold in the last two weeks. CNN, FOX, MSNBC, the papers, the mags, the websites, they're all anxious and concerned about how "ugly" the election's become.

Gimme a break.

For the media, every election cycle goes like this: "I hope it doesn't get ugly....Do you think they're getting ugly?...Looks like they're getting ugly...This is really getting ugly...This is the ugliest election ever!"

Hypocrites. The press love it when a campaign gets down in the gutter. If they didn't, they wouldn't report it and "analyze" it fifteen hours a day. It especially floors me when I hear reporters say, "This election is the ugliest ever," as if we've forgotten how ugly it was last time...and the time before that...and the time before that.

You sometimes hear pundits say that they want a return of yesteryear, when politicians were gentlemen and people had boundaries. What BS. Every election gets ugly. They always have and they always will. And, if it makes the faint hearted feel any better, the ugly talk of today is nothing compared to the old days. Half the reason I enjoy reading presidential biographies is not because of the history, but because they give me good material to use for cheapshots at the pub.

Let's take a stroll through the halls of Honor and Decency. Think of the internet headlines these beauties would make today:

1796 to 1800: Jefferson and Adams had a number of free-for-alls in the first contested presidential elections (Washington ran unopposed; it was after he stepped down that the muckraking tradition started). Media friendly to Adams said Jefferson was a coward and an atheist. The papers said Jefferson represented "cut-throats who walk in rags and sleep amidst filth and vermin." Jefferson's people retorted by saying that Adams wanted to scrap the Constitution and become king. They also said Adams wanted to import two English mistresses, while the Adams fans responded by saying that Jefferson wanted to legalize prostitution, had an affair with one of his slaves, and favoured incest.

1828: A Whig publication said that Andrew Jackson was a slave trader, and the husband of a "really fat wife." Jackson was used to insults on his wife. In 1806, he shot Charles Dickinson dead for 1) insulting his wife, and 2) a horse racing debt. The story goes that Jackson's political opponents convinced Dickinson to insult Jackson's wife, thereby drawing him into the duel. Bad move. Jackson's people weren't adverse to insulting others, though. When he ran against John Quincy Adams, they labelled Adams "The Pimp," and accused him of putting gambling furniture in the White House. It was pool table. Adams' people replied that Jackson's mother was a prostitute brought to the US by British soldiers, and that he was the son of a mulatto man that his prostitute mother had secretly married.

1844: Polk v. Clay: Polk's supporters declared that Clay had broken every one of the Ten Commandments, that he spent his days at the card table, and his nights in a cathouse.

1860: Even Honest Abe didn't escape the tossed mud salad. Opponents called him, "Honest Ape" and a newspaper declared that he was the "most ungainly mass of legs and arms and hatchet face ever strung on a single frame."

1876: Hayes v. Tilden. Enemies of Rutherford B. Hayes spread a rumour that he once flew off the handle and tried to shoot his own mother. Hayes' supporters said that Tilden was an alcoholic who suffered from syphilis.

1884: Opponents of Grover Cleveland said he was born a bastard and heckled him with the chant, "Ma, Ma, Ma, where's my Pa?"

Ah, the good old days.